You are correct...It does have wear and tear on the Starter Motor...Starter motors like any other component have a cyclic life...so, if you are in heavy traffic coming to a complete stop and the engine stops, guess what, "you are wearing out your starter motor"...How many minutes does the engine need to be off before it makes up for the fuel use, wear, and additional emissions of the restart? How many stops are in the EPA test? .. and for what interval?
Is data available to prove these assertions? Is the "no wear", "fraction of a second restart", "low emission" narrative it all marketing hype?... fake news? ... or is there hard data?